Hi, you. How have you been lately? I hope you're always right.
You know what surprises me till now? It's you that's still nagging in my mind, despite whatever attempts I've been trying to get rid of you. I don't know what's wrong with me, but oh help me, I still can't forget about you. It's raining here by the way. What's the season there now? Spring?
I'm never meant to keep thinking about you, right? But it still hurts. Maybe it's because I just ended everything well. It still makes me cry sometimes. I've said to myself to stop all of this, to be so dramatic, but I really don't know? What do you think?
How to not make you special again in my heart, really? It tortures me. Although I believe it's not your fault. But well yeah, you're still that special. I don't know. Maybe because you gave me a first time, a simple first time of truth and dare game. But it's long lasting, isn't it?
I think about it now. Maybe because I still can't let you go from inside my heart, I still can't accept kind people around me. Why do you think? I got new friends though.
I think, this isn't about looks, but what you'd given to me back then. That first time. That experience. I know though that maybe I just take this too seriously. I don't know again if you were lying or not. But, know this. You're still that special.
Why do I keep remembering about you? What's the meaning?
I want to tell about you to my friends, but maybe I'll just bother them with my endless thoughts, words. Let's grieve alone then.
What are you doing now? Are you eating? Or enjoying your time with family? I still think about your words. Some of them.
By the way, I still let you to be in some parts of my life. Last time, I made a letter, a competition, that's about you. You're the object of someone or something that I lost but still, I want to say something else to you. I bought the book. So, Ian, your name is there. It's my phase. Our phase. Come to me if you want to know how it is.
I told about our brief stories. Even if you said something bad to me, I'd forgiven you since a long time ago.
Oh, I really dislike silence, stillness, because every time I become like this, like grieving you, it makes me want to cry. So, even now, I'm listening to music while I'm writing this. Oh, look, I really need a help. I feel like I'm lying to myself and my friends. But, I'm not that bad, right? Or..
Do you still think I'm worth nothing?
Do you know how the pain feels? I feel like I want to vomit. But of course, I don't blame you. Never. Maybe you were right that time. I realize that I pushed you too far. I deserve it. Are you being happy now?
